Things best left unsaid?

I found a blog last night through the randomness of the interweb and I just keep thinking about it. It's like if the me of 5-15 years ago was writing now and it has made me very sad and unsure of what the right thing is to do.

My experience at that time is so similar to what this woman is going through right now that I want to give her some advice, but I don't think she is going to want to hear it. I probably wouldn't have at that time but seeing someone put themselves through such pain (both physical and emotional) is difficult and I suppose most people would have a natural response of trying to help if they think they could...

In this blog someone is dieting. And has been dieting and blogging for almost five years. As with dieting, the weight went down, then up, and then down, and the up... the familar scenerio. There's the weighing and the calories eaten and the calories burnt. The diets tried. Oh, some many tried.

What I get from reading this is that the person is a chronic dieter, and has dieted themselves fat. They are either dieting or bingeing until they go back on another diet. Wow, that resonates with me. I feel like saying stop. I know you have lost almost 100 pounds this time and that's great, but your body is in pain and you need to just stop for a bit and work at being that new weight for a while. But that's the scary thing isn't it? One of my biggest fears used to be that I COULD'NT stop gaining weight unless I actively dieted. Afterall if I wasn't dieting surely I would eat everything in sight? My weight would just go up and up until I was one of those people who had to get the doorways removed to get out of the house on a trolley.

But it didn't happen like that. My weight has been stable for the last 4 years, even through a pregnancy, and even though I'm fat being able to say that even now makes me cry. My body is stable, it's fat yes, but it's healthy. Nothing hurts (unlike when I pushed myself at the gym 6 days a week just to burn enough calories). I don't see myself as something to fix but to nourish. It's taking time but I'm trying to eat what I REALLY want not what I think I should shovel in until the next dieting phase. And they are two very different things.

The sad thing is I can see where this story ends - the way it ends for 95% of diets. The weight comes back. Even those diets that do work long term only lead to a weight loss of around 10% of your body mass, so if you are fat then the likelihood is you will be still fat. If someone had looked into a crystal ball 10 years ago and said I predict you being fat, but happy, loved and loving what would I have done? Fought on in a battle I knew I couldn't win or worked on what I ended up doing in the end - finding a different, better way for me to live?

But can you say these things to someone else? Can you say stop dieting, just try being in your new thinner body and give it a break and yourself a break for a while. Don't see yourself as a failure until/unless you get to weight X, but love and nuture and trust your body NOW.

Can I say this? Afterall my experience of being fat, like my experience of being female, is not necessarily anyone elses. Me being 330 lbs doesn't entitle me to declaring myself an expert of being 220 lbs, or 400 lbs or even 330 lbs ;)

So I don't know. If anyone else has any advice, I for one would like to hear it.

Fat Swap Shop

I had the lovely experience of going along to my very first Fat Swap Shop, organised by the brilliant Monkey. Her blog has lots of cool photos from the day (in which I look rather confused). I had a fantastic time and came away with a great big haul of clothes... so so pleased.

What was also very cool about the event is seeing clothes that I had bought and then just not been happy with, or felt they were not 'me', finding new happy owners (well, owner really as Sally seems to have walked away with most of my stuff).

I took along some dresses, leather jacket, shoes, tops and came back with three pairs of jeans, 3 tops, one jacket and three dresses - all of which look fab on me and have filled big gaps in my wardrobe. After buying my winter boots I was really looking for a black dress to wear with them - and now I have two that are just wonderful. Not sure how long it would have taken me to find them on my own through online shops, if anything as great was even still for sale.

I have already been wearing some of my finds this week, but life interfered with blogging, so here is a pic of what I am wearing today. Asos Curve top from FSS (isn't it cute?!), black wedges (thifted) and New Look jeans.

Now as I said I came away with 3 new pairs of jeans, but these aren't them. Because I had some time to kill I went to New Look on Oxford Street as they have a reasonably big Inspire section. And I tried a few pairs on. While I like buying things online I don't often buy the same item in different sizes to find the perfect fit, and I think I should do this more often. It turns out that if your jeans fall down all the time and need a belt to hold them up, it's often because they are too big. Silly me, but after my trying on session I bought these stretch jeans in a size smaller than I would usually order and they fit perfectly.

They are very similar to the Evans ones, but at £12 (yes, that's right TWELVE POUNDS) they are half the price and I like the colour more. They are bootleg and LONG. I'm 5'8 and wearing heels to stop them dragging on the ground but as I've bought them as work/nice jeans (as opposed to Mummy things jeans or dog walking jeans) then that is fine.

At FSS I found some Evans jeans in a 24 and with my new found knowledge that their 26's are actually too big for me, I nabbed them and they also fit perfectly. Hurrah!

Post in which I consider flattering fashion

If you haven't already heard Evans have now got a What's your shape app on their website which then gives you suggested options for clothing styles you may wish to try.

I say suggested options but in reality the advice is more written in the style of the 10 Commandments. I'm surprised I haven't been sent the style hints carved into slate tablets yet.

So, for me, an apparent hourglass I get told:

Get it

• Scoop neck or deep V neck fitted tops
• Wraparound tops to accentuate your waist
• Pencil, bias cut or full skirts
• Shaped, wrap or bias cut shift dress
• Flat fronted trousers with side zips
• Tailored shirts, jackets and coats that nip in at the waist
• As always — good fitting underwear
• Belts that cinch you in at the waist
• Elegant high heels

Forget it

• Boxy double breasted jackets
• Straight tunics or skirts — these will hide your curves
• Heavy stiff materials
• High or polo necks can make your torso appear shorter
• Smocks make you bigger than you are

Forget it? Like, what? Don't even venture into that part of the store, do not even THINK about wearing a high necked top? Move away from the smocks woman!

But what if you love smocks, or straight skirts or heavy stiff materials (*snicker*).

I'm all for fashion tips and advice, but I don't really appreciate being dictated too.

Some of the other 'shapes' even get advice about what jewellery and bags to have or not have. Feeling a bit left out on that front, how will I ever know if my earrings are a Get it or Forget it? I wonder if I can send it a photo for individual advice??? What about shoes or my watch? Is my watch making me look fat, or could it just be my size 26 arse that's doing that?

I think what they are trying to say is certain things will be more or less flattering on some body types. But that isn't really the point of fashion is it? If we all really worried about what made us look thinner or was more flattering for our bodies (regardless of size btw) we would all be wearing black bags with a permanently black background behind us.

For me the point of clothes is to make us feel GOOD. Not necessarily thinner, or with bigger boobs and a smaller tummy but just GOOD.

I reckon clothes tend to fall into any of four categories.

1. Considered unflattering and you don't feel good wearing them.
2. Considered flattering and you don't feel good wearing them.
3. Considered unflattering and you feel good wearing them.
4. Considered flattering and you  feel good wearing them.

So, which is the most important?

For me it's how I feel. So 1 is definitely a no-go, but so is 2. It can make me look as thin as it wants, but if I feel old, boring and like it's just not me I'm not going to wear it (I'm talking to you wrap dresses!).

3 and 4 are goers. And I don't think one is more important than the other. Flattering is all in the eye of the beholder. Who says I want my thighs to look thinner anyway? Or my boobs to look smaller? I happen to like my puppies and my thighs do sterling work at carrying my bum around thanks very much.

Ever been wearing something and someone has told you how good you look and you just look at them like they're made. That's something flattering but not you.

So in conclusion, ignore the rules but always always wear things that make you feel good about yourself. If the Evans app does anything positive it might inspire people to try out some new things, but if you like something WEAR IT. Even Uggs ;)

Here are somethings that are making my heart go all aflutter, and yes, they are all dresses, and trousers are probably more flattering on me BUT I DON'T CARE because dresses make me feel girly and more styly.

So there.

Things I hate about being fat *

*Although this could be a list about any characteristic one might possess, like grey hair (which I have hiding under the dye) or big ears (which are hiding under the aforementioned grey dyed hair). But I am writing about the things I hate about being fat today.

So, let's start.

1. I hate that I can't fit into most Gap clothes because I like what they sell. Ok, so they could start increasing their sizes but that ain't going to happen.

2. I hate being afraid of folding furniture like camping chairs or those chairs they have in halls for seating. I'm just scared that I'll hear a bit  of a creaking noise and then I'll be bum on the floor in a squished chair mess. It's happened once before.

And.... the biggy (pun intended) is....................... chub rub.

Oh yes, you read that right. Chub rub. When the chubbiness of one thigh impacts upon the chubbiness of another and causes a rubbing sensation. When wearing skirts this can be painful as friction (except in some shared occasions) is not really a good thing between two skin covered surfaces. This can be combated with leggings or long short things under skirts. There are also lotions and powders although I've not really ventured into that field. So, no problem for naked leg chub rub - sortable.

But what I really really hate is the innocent victims of chub rub (or CR as I will now refer to it - it's a clinical term).

All those jeans, trousers and shorts that have gone to the great clothing bin in the sky because of CR. The rest of the item may be fine but when the case of CR has reached to its unfortunate final conclusion you need to throw them out.

This is what happens. You are merrily wearing your jeans skipping along and then one day notice when you go to put them on that there is a little more light showing through the fabric between the upper thighs than anywhere else. This is known as the First Sign. Some other symptoms include the seam looking like the fabric is pulling apart and starting to fray. This brings back painful memories of the white linen pants that I wore walking half way across London one night. It was a short but beautiful relationship as the CR was too much for something so delicate.

The Second Sign is when from the outside it is patently evident that the fabric has taken a hard hit and is thinning. This inevitably leads to the END. When this will happen is anyone's guess but if the gods are kind will happen in the privacy of one's own home. Unfortunately I have had the experience of wondering why it was just a little more breezy down 'there' than before while out and about... luckily as the CR tends to occur high up the leg (in my case at least) I don't think anyone saw, but it was a little disconcerting!

Just think how much money I would have saved without the losses inflicted by the evils of CR? Alas I fear there is no cure (well no cure that wouldn't require the loss of cake and therefore is completely unacceptable). I tried patching a pair of jeans once. It didn't really work.

So there you have it: fat woman admits downside to being fat. I now feel unburdened and off to replace my latest victim....