How Things Change

There was a very long period in my life where I felt that I didn't look the way I wanted to. This isn't directly related to how much I weighed either. It wasn't the size of me as such that didn't let me dress the way I wanted to, but more a complete lack of clothes in styles that I felt expressed who I wanted to be.

That was the big problem about living in New Zealand for me (otherwise known as the land of no fat clothes). Moving to the UK was like Charlie winning the golden ticket. All those lovely lovely clothes! Now, I know that the fat fashion industry here is far from perfect, and getting the style you want isn't as easy as one would always like, but compared to what I'm used to it's nirvana.

But now that I have access to all sorts of clothes, what look do I want to have?

And that's always been a big question for me. Who do I want to be? What do I want to look like? I've always loved minimalist looks. Black. White. Statement jewellery. Yet I love a good floral and dainty things too. I pick and choose from different shops, and different looks.

I spent some valuable thinking time deciding I needed a Statement Style. Like so many stylish people seem to have. And I got nowhere. Because everything time I thought, that's it - clean cut lines and the holy trinity of colours (black, white and beige of course), I would fall in love with some floaty patterned thing or a pink cardi. So I've given up.

Here are a couple of my latest looks.

Wearing Yours jacket, M&S skirt (love!) and white blouse. Evans boots and Primark leggings and scarf. My look for a day out in London suburbia.

Boring I know to show a top that I've worn before, but this is my surprise Evans look. Evans top, boots and Beth Ditto jeans. Me wearing boots over jeans, who would have guessed!!!

So, I think these two looks are a little different from each other. And so that is my new Statement Style. Eclectic. Imagine that? ;)

Dieting and me.

In my last post I mentioned that I have issues with reading about someone’s dieting in a place where I wouldn’t have necessarily thought it was related to the usual topic of the blog (such as fat fashion). I made this point because some of us are trying to find another way to live our lives as fat people without reference to the idea that this is something we should be attempting to change in a society where this seen as heresy.

This isn’t to say that I am anti-dieting per se. Some of my best friends are dieters and I spent the first 30 years of my life dieting (well from the age of around 7 onwards).

I just, at the moment, choose not to diet and am enjoying learning about an existence where fat can be a state of being as opposed to a state to be altered.

I come from a scientific background and so like to think that I have a reasonably logical take on things and don’t fall or, or converse in, hack science. When learning about fat and health I read medical papers on the topic. I attempt to weigh up the evidence. It’s not easy. There is the commonly held belief that being fat is bad for your health no matter what, and in all cases. There is growing research to show this is not always the situation. BUT I realise that in some cases there is clear evidence that weight can be related to, and in some cases cause, medical issues.

I also realise that while there can be contributing reasons for being fat such as genetics, underlying metabolic issues etc, for me at least my weight is to do with the amount I eat. If there are emotional reasons behind my reasons that I eat too much, ok, but it still comes down to calories in and out for me.

If I had any health issues that were related to me weight I would do something about it. No question. If there was even a hint that my weight or lifestyle in general would shorten my life I would do something to combat it. I don’t want to live forever, but I do want to spend as much time with my family as I can and see my little girl grow up.

My husband says that I am perhaps wrong in waiting for a health issue to arise before doing something about my weight, but there we disagree. He’s assuming that being fat WILL lead to health problems and I don’t agree. Not all fat people die of being fat alone.

I do agree that eating badly and not exercising is likely to lead to health issues, but I don’t think that means that you can’t eat well, exercise and be fat.

I don’t diet or try and lose weight at the moment because a lifetime of that has led me to being fatter than when I started and bringing only short term results at the cost of a lot of annoyance and pain. I’d rather take dieting out of the equation and instead focus on my health through choosing to take care in what I eat and enjoy moving my body because it makes me feel good as opposed to making me slimmer.

Many assume that if you are fat and you are not dieting then you are getting fatter. The opposite of dieting is often feasting and packing in the food as quick as you can before you have to diet again. This is why so many people get caught in the evil diet feast/famine cycle. I was there for many years.

But there is another way for me. It’s just trying to eat a balanced intake of food. All sorts of food, eaten to satisfy and strengthen. Not eating too little, or too much. Knowing that although you aren’t dieting and therefore could eat the entire king size block of chocolate, and eat another one tomorrow, you don’t want to. Because it won’t make you feel the way you want to feel. It’s about exercising because you like the way you feel during and afterwards, not because of the number of calories it will burn.

This is harder than dieting for me in some ways. My old feaster ways come out often. I order groceries online and add in cakes and snacks. A day later, they (mostly) come off the list again, although some remain for us as a family to enjoy

I’ve slowly stopped secret eating (that’s probably a blog post on its own). And I’ve learnt to love exercising for the joy of it alone.

Do I still eat crap food? Yes. I eat too much sweet stuff I know. The result of this is that for four years my (large) weight has remained constant, even though pregnancy. And normal blood pressure and sugar levels.

I feel good.  Fat, fit and fine even.

In conclusion we all have to do what is best for us.

Diets and fat fashion don't mix?

Firstly I should make some things clear. What I’m going to say is my personal viewpoint, in no way tainted by logical thinking or particularly well thought out argument.

Secondly I'm fat, healthy and in a happy mental state. Most of the time. Although I could do with a coffee.

There have been occasions when a fat fashion blogger has made reference to the fact that they are dieting. Whether for health reasons or whatever. I find myself having an emotional response to this. My emotional reaction based on my issues I know.

Not a strong one mind. I don't  burst into tears, scream the house down or throw myself down and cry ‘Why God why???’

What I think is this. There goes another one. Someone who is supposed to be a fat positive role model has 'buckled'.  I had been going to this site looking for fashion ideas for someone fat like me and found a weight loss story. It's her blog of course, so she can write what she wants right? Right, but readers can have emotional responses that have nothing to do with the blogger as a person and more to do with their own insecurities.

Is that fair? No.

When I first started blogging I read some articles about how to blog well and how to be a popular blogger (and I probably need to read them again!). What most of them said was this: as a blogger you need to set out your sign out the front and state that this blog is about X. I will talk about X mainly. Thus the world of Mummy Bloggers and Political Bloggers and Gay Bloggers and indeed Fashion Bloggers.

People who like X will read said blog. Now of course some bloggers go ‘this is me’ and that’s their X. Fine. Dandy. But what is common is that people go to these blogs know roughly what they are going to get. That’s not a bad thing. If I want nail polish reviews I know a fashion blog is going to be a more likely site to find one than a blog about fishing.

So if you are a fat fashion blog the implication is therefore that you will talk about fat fashion. Because you are most likely fat and like fashion. People who are fat and like fashion will read your blog. Not only because your blog is of interest to them in itself but also because it will be one of the few places that this topic will be discussed without scorn, abuse or pity.

Let’s face the reality: talking about fat fashion in most media spaces is going to get slammed with comments about obesity epidemics and whales wearing curtains. So having a nice place where we can talk about Asos Curve vs Evans isn’t just great, it’s brilliant. Being able to have those conversations where we aren’t bombarded by messages implying that we should be ashamed to wear larger clothes is nice. As is the idea that we won’t be made to feel guilty for not wanting to get smaller.

So what happens when a fat fashion blogger declares they are on a diet? For some it might be that this person is going through something the reader is interested in and wants to know more about. But for many I suspect their reaction is similar to mine. Annoyance that somewhere fat people can talk about their lives and fashion desires has got dragged back into the world of fat as bad.

I’m not saying fat fashion bloggers can’t diet. I’m just saying that for some of your readership, who are struggling with their self image and their need to feel that their lifestyle choices are valid, that it can be difficult to read that someone they saw as fat and happy might not be.

This isn't to say that fat bloggers can't diet or shouldn't. But blogs are more than just the story of the bloggers life to many of their readers, they are like a mirror up to their own lives. Not sure if that makes sense!

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not anti-diet talk. I listen to it all day long at work. I even follow dieters on twitter and read their blogs.

It doesn’t ‘trigger’ me. It doesn’t get me down. I am interested in living a healthy lifestyle that includes exercise and food that is nourishing and wholesome. BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN I WANT TO DIET.

The question was asked of me: why did I have an issue with a fatshion blogger talking about dieting if it promoted a healthy lifestyle?

The answer is this: I think weight loss can be a healthy lifestyle choice but  I don’t think that dieting in itself is necessarily a healthy lifestyle. I’ve been on 800 calorie diets where I managed to eat a Mars Bar a day. Not that healthy.

You can lose weight by being incredibly unhealthy, and be healthy without losing weight or dieting.

Dieting leads, in most cases, to gaining the weight back and more and I’ve got better things to do with my time.

And even if the fashion blogger said by the way I’m getting fit and eating well and not dieting and not trying to lose weight ……. I would still suggest that maybe they might like to set up another blog to talk about that because I’m only interested in what you wore your new dress with, not your exercise plan.

Here endth the rant.

Random pics

Oh how sad it is when the only time you get to take a photo is in Boots!. Wearing Asos blouse, thrifted Yours, Evans jeans

Really like this outfit actually. Felt very on trend with my tweed. Only thing I have from Yours. Jeans and blouse from fat swap, so thinking about it the entire outfit cost me £4.50.

Looking wet and wild wearing New Look Fatswap dress and H&M vest. Crap photo and not sure about vest look, but wasn't wearing strapless bra!

And...

this little thing. It's a leather bracelet that I bought from the Cambridge market. Really sweet and £3!!!

More random pics to come!

Being a Fat Mummy

I often read bloggers in the fat acceptance world. Many have discussed how some governments are classifying having a fat child as tantamount to child abuse. Which is mad. But what I have yet to read often is fat women like me stating that actually out loud (although many may think it) that while they themselves are fat and happy to be so (or at least accepting of it) they don't want their children to be fat.

I almost think of it as the big elephant in the room. Can take your fat acceptance ideals and views to the point where you would have no issue with your children being fat? Ok, issue is probably the wrong word. I mean to say - all things being equal would you prefer your children to be fat or slim?

Sure, let's assume that if both parents are fat, then genetics are going to be an issue for the children to have a propensity to be obese (something like 80%). But genetics aren't everything. Lifestyle and environment play a huge role.

In the Eclectica household my husband is slim and comes from a relatively slim family (the odd case of middle age spread aside). My parents were overweight, with my mother dieting constantly. Which is why I started. Thinking back I don't remember being fat as a child until AFTER I started dieting. But I disgress.

I don't want to teach my child body hate or food issues because I don't want her to go through the pain I did growing up. But I also don't want her to be fat. 99% because of her and I want the best for her and really I think that even if in her adult years so becomes fat, being so as a child is not ideal. But there is also a little voice inside that says its also because I don't want to feel the hate of everyone in the world crashing down on me if she was fat.

I don't want to be the stereotypical fat mother with the fat child eating chips in some dodgy burger bar. I don't want her to be pitied and me to be vilified.

So far, well she eats everything and anything and eats lots some days and less others and we give her access to any food in the house. She wants to eat what we eat, so we eat healthily at home, but eat junk on occasion (although not as a treat as my husband pointed out that food is food, not a treat. Fair point).

So there it is. I'm ok with the size of my arse but there are some issues around body size that I'm not ok with.

And I don't have all the answers and I have really no idea what the right thing is to do. Being a mummy is fucking hard work and I'm scared of getting it wrong. That much I do know.

Some of my favourite things...

I've been a busy little beaver lately. I've upped my work hours so now working 4 days a week, plus toddler, plus doggy walking and all the other household chores that come with life.

Sometimes I have little day dreams about living alone somewhere in a perfect little cottage and pottering about reading and just generally relaxing. But in truth I love my little family (even with all the work and lack of time for myself). I was brought up as an only child so have a great need to get time to myself. While extroverts need the company of people to energise them, I need some solitude to do the same. Finding time can be tricky, but all it takes is a walk at lunch time or even some time on the commute home.

Lack of time is my excuse for not having posted lately, but I'll try to make it up over the next few days.

No real theme I'm afraid, just some photos that have accumulated on my phone!

no, I haven't blurred the husky's face to protect his identity. He just moved too fast. This is an old photo, one of my 'let's see how many random members of the family can wander through the pic' ones.

And, joy of joys, we have lined the walls finally. DIY> don't mind dping it, but it takes so long! Bought a house that needs work, for the big garden and good location. Seemed like a great idea at the time ;)

Anyway. Clothes.

Evans top
Primark beads
Black new look jeans
Primark leather ballet flate (really pleased with these for £12 and leather!).

I saw a girl on the bus wearing this top but realised it was a season ago so no longer available on the Evans website...... stumbled across it on Ebay for 99p. Excellent. Think I might wear it will a belt next time as it's a bit baggy.

Be back soon!